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daddy date night
by Cindy Norman
Cindy is from Chicago and is the youngest of six kids. She currently lives in Pasadena and is pursuing her passions as she serves on staff at Mosaic connecting with new guests and working to put an end to human trafficking. |
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As I grew up with five older siblings, one way that my parents would assure quality time for each of us was to take us out on "dates." As a teenager, my dad continued to pursue each of us kids with the same traditions that my parents started with as a young age and one particular night is embedded in my memory. It was fall of my sophomore year and that means, time for Homecoming. And for another season, the school rumbles with talk of football games and parties and "Who are you going to the dance with?" And every night, I would come home hoping for the phone to ring ... Maybe Peter would call -- or Jeff or Ryan or Greg. And each morning was one day closer to the dance, without a call.
Sure enough, the big game day came and still no call. Even in my optimism, I hoped for a last minute call on that day. There had to be someone else waiting to go! So that Saturday, I sat at home, trying not hide my disappointment, hurt and rejection of not being chosen, yet another year. Yet, seven o'clock rolled around and the doorbell rang. I trudged downstairs to get it, less than enthusiastic to see anyone. I didn't bother to turn the porch light on, but I opened the door to see an outline of a well-dressed man in a suit and tie, holding flowers just at his eye level. As I opened the screen door, he reached out to hand me the flowers and as the moon lit his face, I heard the voice of my dad ask, "Would you like to go to dinner?"
I am still moved by my dad's example, at such an impressionable age, as to what love is. Even though he told me each day that he loved me, this night stood out in my mind as a reminder that I am chosen by my father, who showed me the love of my God the Father.
This year, fifteen years later, I feel like I have forgotten this reminder. Though I began 2008 with confidence in my job and the fresh beginning of a potential relationship, this foundation was quickly removed within the first month. By February, I had made a very difficult decision to cut back on my full-time position at Mosaic to pursue a part-time job with the Los Angeles Coalition against Human Trafficking. At the same time, the relationship that had just started to unfold was put on hold.
I began to really wrestle with God in a way that I never had before. What was He doing? Why does He say that He loves me and then it seems like He takes everything away? I battled every day ... tears, frustration, anger, desperation for an answer and all I got was ... SURRENDER.
What else could you want from me, God? What else is there to give you? It hasn't been an easy process ... Following Jesus. I realize through this journey that if I didn't follow Him, if I didn't believe Him that it would be so much easier to just give into my own desires, to take what I want and to live a life of immediate gratification. But the promise that has kept me in this journey at this time, is Hebrews 11:1 and 6: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen ... and without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."
So here I am, not even four months into the year, and I'm surrendering. Sure, it's a process and I don't always surrender with a willing heart. I am stubborn. I am a slow learner. And in this journey, I realize that it's not only about surrender because I've almost gone crazy trying to ask God what more He wants from me. Instead of listening to His love letter to me ... that I am chosen, that I am loved, that I am His. As Zephaniah 3:17 reminds me, "... He will rejoice over you with gladness; he will exult over you with loud singing." Now, the challenge is that I have to be ready to receive His love letter.
Ironically, it is taking a relationship to be removed from my life to understand what love is. We are such relational people, wired to see love in a tangible way. Of course, I want to be a place in which I can experience that but I also realize that God is wanting to bring me to a place where I can know His love, to freely receive and accept His love, to know that I am chosen.
I am so grateful for the reminder of my dad's example to show me that God the Father does stand at the door every day, calling my name, asking if I'm ready to receive His love today. Will I answer?
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