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hope in lilacs
marta
Marta attends Mosaic Inland and is involved in Kids Mosaic and Mosaic Life in Christ. |
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On March 13, 2007, the second anniversary of my late husband’s death, I found myself gazing at the lilac bush in the front yard with tears in my eyes. Winter was fading and the bush was creeping out of the past season. It had straight brown branches that appeared to be dead but was coming to life into bright green leaves with strands of purple and lavender within its flowers and a heavenly aroma. The transformation reminded me of my journey through life where hope didn’t always come when anticipated, but would appear in its most glorious form when there appeared to be none.
After a painful divorce, I remarried. We were full of hope in our future together as a new family. Two short years later, I was hired to work in Child Protective Services, my long time dream and we had just bought a house. My husband Ken started to feel twitching in his fingers and back. After three months of testing, Ken was diagnosed with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis), Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Our hope for a better life together suddenly took a downturn to his fast debilitation, progressing to either living on a ventilator completely paralyzed, or death.
It was in the complete change of our hopes and dreams where I truly found hope. Hope did not come when all was well, it came when I surrendered EVERYTHING to the most high God. I had known God since I was 17, and in this moment of devastation of my dreams, I didn’t ask why but wondered how I was going to cope. This was the biggest challenge I had ever faced and far beyond my control and abilities. I had to continue to remind myself that no matter what happened in life, whatever the external circumstances, I would find hope through following God and serving others. Hope was not to be found in any ideal situation, but in Christ alone. Our loved ones, homes, jobs, and worldly stability are all fleeting. I was often reminded of a quote by an abolitionist, Horace Greely who s aid, “Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident and riches take wings. Only one thing endures and is character.”
Hope came to us in the embrace of a loving community. We met some amazing families through the ALS support group. It was full of beautiful people who were also being ravaged by the disease. We attended many funerals, as the outcome was the same for all ALS patients. We also received loving support from others who hurt alongside our family and those who partnered with us to provide care at the home during Ken’s 3 ½ years as a quadriplegic. Consistent help was provided by an ad hoc support team, consisting of those close to us and those who became close along the way. Many served our family sacrificially with their time and energy and some even experienced hope for themselves in the process.
We all experience seasons in our lives that seem dead. My father died when I was 11, my brother died when I was 33, my husband died when I was 46, I went through a divorce, and was a victim of childhood molestation. There were other times in my life when the leaves were dried up and falling from the branches—like when I chose not to listen to God and when trials of daily life wore me out. These were some of my dead seasons, but like any season, life didn’t stay there. There were also amazing times of complete and utter beauty— like when I asked God into my heart, understanding God’s love and grace, watching my three beautiful children grow, bringing home our first foster baby, and the privilege of caring for Ken through his disease.
Times of beauty and times of death often ran parallel in my life. I don’t believe I could have known the profound love of God and the powerful hope in Him without these intensely painful experiences.
Recently, God blessed me with marriage to another wonderful man who also knows the pain of death and loss. Our future together looks bright, but the hope I now have is different. It doesn’t rest on circumstances in the external world. A wise man once told me, if life is going well, it will change, and if life is going bad, that too will change. As we watch the demise of this country’s obscene prosperity, as we see family members, friends, and neighbors experience hardship, this is our opportunity to share that hope we experience in Him.
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