there is a hope of an acorn
Faye Williams
Faye loves life and finding ways to live it abundantly. She makes a living in Hollywood playing a princess, Pirates, or a Superhero whose power is healing. John 14, Isaiah 61, and smiling are her favorite. |
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There is a hope of an acorn when it is sown
that it will become an oak tree.
... patience ...
If God would bring beauty from ashes,
then it first must burn ...
... the fire being passed through must be refining ...
... perseverance ...
I had tried so hard, given everything i had and still, nothing had spectacularly changed. I was still jobless, which would eventually mean homeless. Additionally, it designated that i had no purpose, no responsibility for myself, no reason for being here. I gave up, and gave in to the false comfort of my bed. I just wanted to sleep it off, to make it go away, to think about something-anything else. But when i woke up i would have to do it all over again.
Succumbing to the despair, i dropped onto my mattress and curled up on my side. The pressure given by pushing my shoulder into the feeling of support seemed to be nothing and enough. After a few minutes of lying listlessly, nothing had spectacularly changed. My eyes opened and looked dully at my hand, palm up in front of me on the pillow.
I watched my left hand drag a knife across my inviting wrist. The idea was planted and packed into the dirt in my mind. “Okay,” I decided, letting the vision take root.
I gasped. I had just made an agreement with my worst enemy.
Terrified, i called out with all that was within me, “Jesus!”
And promised myself not to move until He answered.
(Please, God... it has to be in a way i can hear You.)
And waited.
My phone rang with a message from an expectant friend, “How did it go today?” I was honest: “Not good. I’m scared, feeling worse than I ever have before.” Her roommate drove over immediately to get me. When I walked outside up to the curb, her car was flying the wrong way down a one-way street. It will always remind me how God moves to get to me, nothing deterring Him from the most direct way, no regard for traffic signs.
She held my hand and prayed for me the entire way to her house. She let me sleep. She called off work the next morning to sit with me. She played worship music and sang.
When i got back into my own room the next night, i walked in and dropped my bag the same way i had the day before. As far as i was feeling, nothing inside me had spectacularly changed. This time i asked God to just be with me as i got in bed, curled up, closed my eyes and prayed for sleep.
It didn’t come, but i tried to be hopeful as i considered the next day. Another vision came as i kept my eyes closed. My mind was a room i was sitting in motionless; four walls closed in around me. The darkness was overwhelming. (Oh, God, it’s so big, and deep, and i can’t overcome it.) A crack of light revealed an opening in the wall in front of me. As the light grew wider, Jesus barged in, throwing the doors wide open and proclaiming, voice booming as the light burst in, “I AM BIGGER!!!”
I am loved. Extravagantly. My faith is evidence.
Lord, as You oxidate a forest by fire,
breathe new life into my dying places.
Bring about Your desire to grow me into a tree of life: an oak of righteousness.
"Because He is at my right hand, i will not be moved ... therefore my heart is glad ... my flesh will also rest in hope. For He will not leave my soul in hell ... He will show me the path of life."
- Psalm 16:8-11
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