giving my heart away
by Ashley Winter
Ashley will be starting at USC to become a Physician’s Assistant in the fall. She hopes to use her new faith to inspire others to live a healthy and disease free life so they can do what is God’s will for them. |
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I sat alone in the Beverly Hills High School auditorium one cold January morning. After attending Mosaic services there sporadically for over a year, this was the first time that I came without my boyfriend or a friend, and I was feeling very exposed. I stayed through the offering and the final song—something I had never done before. Normally I snuck out early because I was afraid that someone might ask why I kept coming to the gathering, but wouldn’t go any further. On that particular January morning, with tears streaming down my face as I listened to the band sing, I knew that I was finally being called out; I had to take that next step or risk being stuck in the same place forever. I needed to find out more about who Jesus is, and whether He could fill that void in my life—that feeling that something was seriously lacking. I filled out a connection card after 12 months of throwing them away. I checked the box that says “I want to learn more about a relationship with Jesus.” “Here goes nothing,” I thought.
Two days later, I was e-mailed by a wonderful woman named June. It is very difficult to express emotion and kindness over an e-mail, but somehow she was able to do it. I could feel her love and compassion over the internet, and I poured my heart out to her in the next e-mail, explaining that I knew nothing about God, Jesus, or being a Christian; but there was something pulling at me that needed to find out more.
June had just started a Bible Study for young women seeking to know God, and I jumped at the opportunity. I ordered the book from Amazon that same day. After two months of discussing the book of John and the story of Jesus with June, the friend that originally invited me to Mosaic asked if I was ready to accept Jesus. I confessed that I was terrified, because I knew that it was the next step. I was too scared to say “yes” to him.
The next Sunday was the message of Sacrifice, the day that I have come to know as “the day that I gave my heart (and my shoes) to God!” Erwin began that service with a prayer, something that is out of the ordinary for Mosaic. As we all asked God to open our hearts to Him, I began to sob. I felt that if I didn’t open my heart that moment it might split into a million pieces and that I would spend the rest of my life picking the pieces up. So I did. Kneeling in front of the stage surrounded by believers, I finally asked Jesus to come into my life. I didn’t stop crying for another 15 minutes (and then cried more periodically throughout the rest of the day), but I could feel a burden lift off my shoulders and a sense of peace in my soul. In Matthew 11:29-30, Jesus says, “You will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Only now can I understand what this means, and how true it really is.
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